Week 6 - Things are getting tight

So, I worked at home the rest of the week last week - glad I have the privilege to do that.

Discomfort changes with each fill - it's a different type each week. This week I had an additional 30 cc added - now at 240 cc. Talk about a tight pectoral muscle - almost feels like I am out of breath at times, but it has nothing to do with that. This week I worked at home Tuesday, Wednesday, and today. My breast doesn't look quite as ugly as a pug. I think we might be Shih Tzu this week after my fill. But here's what I'm really afraid of - check this video out.  http://www.breastcenter.com/procedures/distortion_procedure.php. I'm checking with my dr. to see what the risks of having an "ugly face" are for me. This is scaring the heck out of me!

I've done a bunch more research about reconstructive techniques/technology. Amazing what is out there using just your own body tissues. Perhaps the surgical procedures that use tissue but not muscle will become standard someday, but they are very time consuming and require reattaching blood vessels while looking through a microscope. Needless to say, not many surgeons are doing it. However, not relevant for me, but could be for women who aren't candidates for implants.

Dr. C is willing to entertain all sorts of questions and appears not to be rushed. We had a discussion about size, and he was concerned that he hadn't put a large enough expander in, but he thought he could overfill it. I left thinking, "Hmm, what were the chain of events anyway? What were my initial expectations?" Well of course, I just wanted the darned alien out as soon as possible. I didn't care about boosting size. So, he used the appropriate expander. We all have to take responsibility for our own decisions, don't we? So when did I start caring about getting an up-size cup-size? Well, at my first post-op visit we briefly discussed the droop of the left breast and how we could make it more symmetrical with the right when we get that one finished. That was it! Twas the months before surgery and visions of bountiful breasts and lovely cleavage danced through my head. I kind of forgot that our main goal was to create symmetry. So I needed a little reality check this week. I don't think I have that yet. Well, now I'm just confused about what I want. My main aim is symmetry from side-to-side - the challenge is, if your left natural breast droops a bit, and your new man-made one looks like a headlight how to make them look symmetrical. We talked about a lift, but that would mean another visible scar. So then the other option is a small implant. I mean really, if you were looking at me and you saw my left breast pointed towards your belly button and my right one towards your chest, what would you think? You'd think I was a little strange, especially if you could see the Ugly Face too!

Asymmetry - Look up, Look down

Less asymmetry, but it looks like you're not tracking

Last week when I said, "I want a B cup", he looked a little puzzled and asked what I am now (on the left). "It's an A." I went home and researched cup to volume equivalencies and the best I could find, was that if you   fill a bag with some rice and place it in a bra, you can put more in, take some out until you fit in the bra of choice.  I measured out rice, about the size and depth of the tumor that was removed, put it in a ziploc bag and took it with me to Victoria Secret's this past weekend to insert into a bra when I tried it on - the gal really wanted to measure me and all. I said, "No, I just had a mastectomy, and I just want to try one on." She was gracious and gave me her name and took mine. She didn't know I had a bag of rice with me though! I think I need about 90 cc to be a B.

I found out with this week's visit that they have some sort of bead packs or something you can place in your bra, but you have to bring a bra in that is the size that you want to be. So maybe I just need to give in and go pick up a couple of bras and check the return policy so I can figure out who I want to be when I grow up. Here's something to amuse you.

Bra with rice bag - so this is a mastectomy bra and it's not exactly what I want to wear when I grow up, so it won't do.

That's about 90 cc of rice.

Not getting to walk as much, but still walking. I even did a little mall walking when I went to VS because it was raining out and the last day of competition. People have been asking me if I have lost weight -"No - that's my next project". "Your pants are saggy in the butt." Well, I'll be darned. I didn't think I had a flat butt, but it appears to be so. I think it just moved to my thighs. Lordy! So, now that the walking competition is over, I need to work on the other body parts with weights.

Last week I was working on my visualization skills - trying to develop a positive image of the new breast I can look forward to. I'm envisioning beautiful clouds, with lovely breasts, just like you see in this photo.

Highway to heavenly breasts

Not so bad for starters is it?

It's been about 6 weeks since surgery, about 10 weeks from discovery. I don't think I got much research done prior to surgery, but have spent a lot of time since looking for resources, not just for me, but anyone who might need them even more than I. I'm trying to think of ways that I can make finding reliable information quicker and easier, and when one should start thinking about different options. We'll see. Of course for it to be anything more than therapeutic for me, I'd need to find a way to get it out there. Not saying I'm going to do it, just thinking about it.

I'm adding a couple of resources to the left - look for Susan G Komen and a link to Young Survivor Coalition - probably the best resources anyone could start with, in particular for women with breast cancer.

I hear that it is dinner time. Later!