Week 7 - It's going to look like a baseball

Well, the ugly face video elicited a "we'll talk about options when you come in again." Sounded good to me.

So, before my appointment this week I went to Victoria Secret and bought 3 bras, checked the return policy, told them my doctor wanted me to bring them in to try them on. They were fine with that. Return policy is 90 days.

Last weekend I struggled with wearing what I wanted to wear without having to put a bra on and forms and stuff. I really do want to go without a bra when I want. I went over to the elderly neighbor lady's with some berries. She had a little difficulty looking at me after her first glance. I hadn't told her yet that I had had surgery. I was wearing a camisole sans bra and things just didn't line up.

So I planned on how I was going to deliver the news that I didn't want to just take care of the right breast, and I didn't just want to be bigger, but really what I wanted after all - decision #3: symmetry. And I really hoped to achieve that and look somewhat natural. I think that may be a challenge that you might not find when you are doing a bilateral reconstruction.

Wed. Appt.
Dr. C and I had a good chat. He says, "So have you been practicing?" when I started to discuss the distortion (as I like to call it contortion) issue. I said, "Yes, but, I'm having a hard time doing it now." "Here, push your hand against mine." Ok - it really didn't seem so bad after all, especially as we talked about the option he could use to alleviate that. He could separate the muscle from the skin tissue that had attached itself on the underside and put the implant above the muscle. That could mean that ripples would be more visible, but he felt that I had a fairly thick layer of skin and tissue and that wouldn't be a big deal. I think I can live with the movement that I have.

Next topic - Symmetry
"I know I've been indecisive about what I have wanted to do, but I've never been down this road before. I never gave breasts much thought, besides wearing a padded bra. What I think is more important than size is symmetry. I want to be able to wear a tank top, a camisole or whatever without being lop-sided and not have to wear a bra if I don't want to." The nurse was in the room part of the time. I told them the story of the neighbor lady not being able to look at me. We had talked previously about a breast lift and small implant for the left to help it sit higher like the new one will. So we talk about what can be done. "Well, I think we need to fill your expander up  to 400 cc. It will be like a baseball by the time we are through." Great, I love that image! "Then we'll do a lift and a 150 - 200 cc implant on the left." I have a favor to ask,"Can we make the right one droop just a little bit?" No. Can't do that. "I just don't like the way augmented breasts look, they look like headlights." Dr. C: "What do you mean?" Me: "They look so fake. I don't like that." Dr. C: "Well most women like that - perky breasts." Me: "Well, I guess if that's the worst case scenarios that's ok'."

Topic: Cohesive Gel Implants
Dr. C has is very passionate about the cohesive gel implants. These are newer silicone implants that do not leak, have been used in Europe for many years, yet the FDA hasn't approved them here. And there aren't many trials going on. He is very passionate about it - he would like to be able to provide a safer alternative for his patients. On Wed. I said, "I am almost as passionate as you about cohesive gel implants." Dr C. "You should start a jihad, and go to Washington. Let them hear your voice. Or no, Ghandi, that would be better, a peaceful protest.Go sit on the grounds." "Absolutely, I'm on it. Peaceful is best." I'm wondering if I could initiate a virtual protest regarding the slow process for approving cohesive gel implants. Does anyone have any ideas?

We go on to discuss surgical techniques for lifts. Dr. C: "Have you read anything about mastopexies on the internet?" Me: "Not that I can remember. Since last week I've stopped doing internet research!" Dr. C: "Well, I was going to suggest that you maybe stop using the internet." Too funny. Dr. is ordering me to stay away from the internet. No more breast research! But, there is this last approved search, and that is for the conventional mastopexy and the vertical incision mastopexy.

After I got 30 cc added and before he left the room "Do you have a bra to try on to see how things look?" "Yes, I do. Here this should be a good one." I put the bra on. "Yes, they are about the same size now." Little bit by little bit I will figure things out.

Wed evening after dinner internet search begins.
It's hard to find anything with the word conventional used and nothing that seems very substantial. I did find a video of Mr. Umar Khan displaying his surgical talent on youtube. OMG. I wonder what the point was. http://youtu.be/SwJplZjsS7s
 I don't think I really needed to see that. I found a good article on WebMD, but still didn't know what I was looking at. Thank God for WebMD, but I'm still not seeing anything that helps me out. I think I'm cured of using the internet, at least for breast-related topics.

So, back to the internet Saturday for more physician sanctioned research, although I think my prescription will run out soon. I found a good article on Wikipedia, which was kind of technical but very thorough. I supplemented with additional sites. There are many names for each procedure. And some photos. I'm not liking the photos so much.

I am finding that tighter sports bras and camisoles that provide more support are actually more comfortable most of the day than wearing something lightweight, less tight with a form in. I don't know if it would have made a difference in comfort earlier, and we'll never know. I actually wore one of my new mastectomy bras for a full day this past week. I wore a tight sports bra for a whole day. I'm developing! I think it's better even if they are snug that there isn't a whole lot of structure. I tried another mastectomy bra on this morning and decided against it.

Now's the time to get fit for life! I did start some exercises this week in addition to my walking. I really need to work on that. I'd like to lose min. of 5 lbs before next surgery and then just stay fit for the rest of my life. What a dream.

So, I think that I need to ask Dr C if I'm not allowed to get information from the internet where should I get it. Actually, I've read of a number of surgeons who either give this book or recommend this book to their patients who have mastectomies. The Breast Reconstruction Guidebook by Kathy Steligo. http://www.breastrecon.com/  I plan to order it and perhaps take it in to Dr. C after I have had a chance to read it. You can read parts of it from the site linked above. I put that link in resource links on the left as well. Dr. C has a very personal approach to  his patients. But I have to tell you, from the General Surgeon, to the hospital, and current treatment, I've had practically no printed educational material. Nothing from the General, the wrong post-op instructions from the hospital, and when I mentioned it all I got was incision care instructions. I had a fairly decent book put out by a silicone implant manufacturer given to me at Dr. Cs office, but there are many things that aren't in there. I realize that reconstruction of the breast isn't the only work that they do, but, I think somewhere in those provider contacts there should be more information available that one can have and hold and use to help make decisions with.

I am finding that I am not only a patient, I am an observer. I am analyzing what is happening, when, where and why.

Until the next update. Whenever that may be. M