Week 5 Update

You are probably going to get updates until I stop having weekly dr. appointments. Hope you can live with that.

I went back to work full time this week. Aahh. Retirement must be kind of nice, or part-time employment. I just haven't come up with any creative ideas to make that happen for many years to come. I keep telling myself I am lucky to have a job.

Well, we didn't do a fill last week due to some skin issues near the tightest spot in the breast and incision. All was clear this week, so 30 more cc went into the expander. Thank goodness I worked from home today and will tomorrow as well. I am not very comfortable. I probably have a couple more fills to go then we will wait a couple months before the next surgery.

I wore a well-worn bra yesterday that still fits with a form or whatever you want to call it. Thought it would be ok. All day is too long for any bra just yet - I had spasms by the end of the day. Since I was at work it wasn't like I could just take it off! So today I wore a bra for about 3 hours and off it came.

I  have been doing some stretching exercises and I think that has helped with both range of motion and stretching my pectoral muscle, which I think helps to make my chest less tight. The expander is only behind the pec (and skin), which if we review our anatomy, goes across the chest. Guess that's why I have been feeling the expander under my skin recently under my arm and higher up on my chest. The nurse said that is normal.

Did your mother ever tell you not to call others names because it might make them think they were no good, stupid, ugly, whatever the appropriate term might be? Mine did. So I've been visualizing my breast as the "Ugly Pug" and I've been doing some self-talk about coming up with something kinder and more positive for this maimed body part. I mentioned that today - I guess I'm allowed to call myself any negative thing I want (Mom wouldn't encourage that), but if I want to change to a better image I could select different dogs for different stages, picking those with better facial features, as my breast improves its shape over time. I also realized that perhaps I am not thinking of my new breast as part of myself yet - it's another entity. Interesting concept - to me anyway. I'll probably have to adopt it eventually (the breast).

Can you help me with some photos or names of dogs that I might use to represent stages of redevelopment? Humorous is fun.

Stages of Development

I can't decide whether a Boston Terrier's nose represents my current condition or the suggested Shih Tzu. Perhaps that is next weeks style. Anyway, I guess you get the idea. And no, my breast is not hairy like a dog's face. We are talking about the amount of smashed inness of the nose in relationship to the shape of the breast not the hairiness of the creature!

My Aphrodite Reborn book came in the mail yesterday and I really like it. It is a photo book with post reconstruction photos and short stories a number of women who went through mastectomy and reconstruction at least 10 years ago. Very well done. The photos make it more personal, and stories make it all more relevant and touching. I am impressed with the women who have either gone through bilateral mastectomies for prophylactic reasons or any surgery and treatment due to malignant cancers - their bravery and their beauty. Reading this book also reinforces for me that I need to visualize prettier and more positive images  than dogs I consider ugly. I'm working on it but I haven't come up with anything yet so I'm open to suggestions.

I'm out of here. Check in with you later!