Week 9: Tweaking the breast

No fill this week as Dr. C was off. Nice treat. I think it was the first week I haven't had some sort of medical appointment since the first week of May. Long time. It was also the first full week in the office without some sort of break. That made it seem like a very long week.

I've decided that I need to try to have something humorous, something creative, and something with positive visualization when I post. I may need your help.

I am hopeful that all will be beautiful when finished, however, I am trying to adjust my expectations to what the reality may be in regards to sensation, scars, and shape. I reread my Aphrodites Reborn to see the reconstruction results of those women and they hearten me. I also am reminded how fortunate I am that I did not have a malignant tumor and the fear and treatment that go along with that. And I, of course, am reminded by others and myself that this is a process.

Humor
I have some new expressions:

1. You're tweaking my boob
2. Stop tweaking my boob
3. My boob is tweaking
4. Don't get your boob in a tweak

In your mind, what would these statements mean? If you think about muscle being stretched and tissues responding to, I don't know, friction, pressure, I suppose it could result in a spasm. That's what's really happening but I see an opportunity for new phrases and meaning in your vocabulary.

State of Affairs
I discovered one sports bra this week that I may not use ever again. It was so tight my breast was tweaking by the end of the day. One of  my new bras may not be of much help for long either. I plan to do a little specialty shopping this week. I'll ask what I need for the first 2 weeks post-op and maybe it can serve me now.

I've said it before - symmetry is the goal. Asymmetry is my biggest struggle right now. I wore a v-necked lace-edged camisole under a top this past week as the top was lower than my bra. Well the v was always off-centered. It's kinda like the biggest person under the blankets gets the most covers. Yep, the biggest breast gets the most fabric! I'm now trying to make my left breast look higher and bigger to match my right (with the expander) and it's kinda hard to do. I am thinking about what I can and can't wear - no stripes that go around the body, dark is generally good, and ...... let me know if you have any ideas about how to hide the discrepancy of one hanging low and one standing high.

Ideas
Maybe you can help me out with serious or humorous ideas about how to make the left breast as high or big as the right for the next two months. Friends have been trying to help me with their humorous suggestions, and real options that just might work. That's good, as I'm sort of running out of humor and ideas. Here are a couple of ideas people have given me for starters:

One up, one down

• Make sure to wear a left shoe with a higher heel 
• Drop your right shoulder lower than the left
• Fill a balloon with some rice or corn meal to fill out the left breast to be equal in size to the right and stick it in your bra

Positive Ideas
I  have some ideas for a volunteer opportunity or even some day a business opportunity.  Title of my position "Breast Reconstruction Advocate". I don't have funding figured out yet! Nor do I have a business plan. I think that this experience may have a truly life-changing impact on both my personal and professional development.

Art/Jewelry
I'm working on (in my mind) a graphic of ugly breasts disappearing and the lovely ones coming into view. We'll see how that comes out. Another I'm thinking of is related to the Mourn the breast, but this time it should be something like "up from the grave they arose" with new breasts coming up from the grave.

The latest earrings I made a couple weeks ago that go with the pendant I made awhile back. I didn't want them to be too "matchy" so used different shapes of stone. I'm trying to think of my next project - I'm trying to do larger statements to go with the shorter haircut. It's good the wire is cheap and I can always repurpose these into new designs if I grow weary of them in their current settings.

Carnelian Pendant and Earrings

I need to get ready for my walk - that's always a restorative activity. A little later we hope to go on a short first of the season motorcycle ride.

When I go to this week's appointment I'll ask if we really must fill to 400 cc - I have 90 to go. If so, is there any risk of stretching too much in the event I/we decide that it is bigger than we want? How can we get it to fill lower in the breast? It kind of looks a little like a faint tri-corner on the lower aspect instead of rounded. I am reminded of the song "Three Corners has my Hat". And we'll see if I can do the next 2 visits with 45 cc per fill, then I can begin my 8 week wait until my next surgery.

All right then, time to mobilize. Until next week!