Rambling along....

Saturday I was out walking - had a great walk. Went to an art/craft festival at an urban organic farm supply place. I really like looking at their goats and chickens, and maybe I'll buy something that doesn't take as much care! Walked through areas with great craftsman and victorian houses. Went to New Seasons - had my Kombucha and real Oregon strawberries & shortcake. Yum...

As I was walking and feeling a little of my own discomfort, I was thinking about how so many people are carrying with them hidden under their clothes pain, disfigurement, fear, anxiety. And they walk around with smiles on their faces (or not) and we would just never have a clue. I guess that's no real shocker to some of you, but it causes me to pause and think - I am fortunate that most of what I carry with me under my shirt is temporary discomfort.

Sunday - first Farmer's Market in our neighborhood. I have never seen so many bicycles in one parking lot, kids and families in one little space. It was great, Aussie meat pies - had to have them. We loved them when travelling in Australia and hadn't found any in Portland, nothing closer than Burien, WA. Great strawberries - bought half a flat of Hoods - Mom always said they were the best. To make sure that none go to waste, we have been eating and eating them, shared a couple boxes with the neighbors, and, alas, we might need more next weekend. I can remember being paid $1.25 to pick a crate (12 boxes) back in the day. I paid $14 for a half a crate picked! How things change. Now I'm sounding like an old woman. We even walked to TJs in the afternoon for some groceries.

Now this, some of you might want to pass up on. Others, I think will find this reassuring, so read on. My right nipple (we don't talk about these things so much in our family) was dark and I have been reassured by others that it was bruising, yet I was concerned that it might be dying due to insufficient blood flow. Saturday morning after showering I noted that it was dry and rough, I was again concerned. But I also remembered shots of sensation just the prior day and felt a little reassured. I applied lotion and went for my walk. Sunday morning, OMG, I had a right pink nipple - it is alive. Dead tissue had sloughed.

Top: Saturday morning
Bottom: Sunday morning

Of course, one concern leads to another right? New skin is really sensitive, right? Indeed. I can hardly stand to have fabric lay against me, and I'm seeking some sort of solution. I can't go around topless all the time. Besides, it's too darned cold. I know, the best option available might be that old metal sieve. I'll show you what I mean - the best pressure reduction device I have tried so far. The only problems with using that seive are: it's too big and bulky; it has a handle on it; you can't go to work with that thing in your shirt; a shirt with a neckline to cover that would be hard to pull up over my hips!

Sieve in Place

You can see that there are a myriad reasons why I might choose not to use the sieve, but I'm telling you that so far, soft fabric, a cotton wipe, nor a smaller sieve are as effective. I haven't gone to the special bra store, maybe they already have something out there like I am thinking of - a round soft device with an opening over the nipple. Can't be too big, because we need to be able to stuff it in our bra or what have you. Also, shouldn't apply alot of pressure to other areas of the breast.

On the not so hot news front: today I went to work for 4 hours. Of course, as my fortune would have it, my password had expired and the help desk wasn't able to help me get in after resetting it. Plan was to work 4 hrs from home using the work laptop. My choice - go in to work to get the password reset while connected to the network, then come and work at home. Thank goodness that I knew where some of the tech guys are so that I didn't have to go to my cube and see everyone. Not ready for that yet. Well. I should be thankful I have a job to go back to and that I was able to get tech things taken care of fairly easily. I also got through the majority of 2+ weeks of email.

Another thing that has kind of been bugging me (not that I'm not grateful), is that in a sense, I feel like it isn't fair that my condition is so treatable with minimal impact. Just take the offender out or off! I think of all the others who have such hard work to continue to enjoy living and loving with their families and friends. I feel like maybe I should just not say anything more, because in the end, I can't even begin to know the rest of the impact and how hard it is to make it through another day, enduring treatment and fear. But maybe even those of you who do experience more devastating illnesses can take something away from here - some little bit of comfort like pink nipples vs. necrotic nipples. Sieves vs rubbing cloth!

Great walk today - probably my longest one yet. I carried my bus pass just in case. It was great to walk through neighborhoods of great craftsman, bungalow and old Portland 4-square style homes. I love seeing how various parts of the city must have developed over time in little neighborhood pockets. Infill always seems to add later styles and variety - not all of it lovely. A couple neighborhoods I walked through must have been fairly densely populated even early in the 1900's.

Another doctor appointment in the morning - perhaps a little more saline added to my expander. I'm hoping that something will fill in the low-lying spots! I imagine that with that will come increased feelings of muscle tension and fullness. It's all part of the process and plan. The sooner we get there, the sooner this will be over!

I wax verbose. Goodnight for now.