I need to get about 12,000 steps in a day to help support my walking competition teammates. Not quite getting there. I do seem to get my best relief from discomfort when I walk.
Today I tried to stretch it out a little doing part of our routine walk and extending it. As I was heading down a side street I heard this different bird noise, or combination of noises. I looked in the street where a few crows were gathered and one of them was holding something down. A couple of adult flickers were calling and fluttering about. What I found was one of the crows stepping on and pecking a young flicker. It could have been on its maiden flight or perhaps was picked out of the nest. The poor thing was still alive so I chased the crows who didn't go far so that the flicker could get out of the street. A neighborhood woman came out about that time to see what was happening. The little bird flopped out of the street and took refuge in some bushes. I wish we could have picked it up. The parents were still calling out and upset. Of course, those darned crows were still making their fuss.
At the small grocer store down the street I learned that the produce/spice shop is going out of business. That's disappointing as it was a great resource for bulk spices. I also ran into my buddy Mike. He has lived in the neighborhood probably longer than I. He has a disability - legs and arms that he is unable to use, most likely a birth defect. We stopped to chat. He tells me that his job, which I believe was workforce development, had been eliminated due to budget cuts, so he would be around more. I asked him if he had ideas about what he wanted to do. In true Mike spirit, he said, "I've had to remake myself before and I can do it again. I have some sort of subconscious ideas. Something different." Wanting to see what his response would be I asked, "What, stand-up comedy?" He said, "No, sit-down comedy." I expected no less. He's done acting and voice overs in the past, so he's thinking he might want to get into that again. Anyone have any leads? Much luck to him in his next venture. I hope that I continue to see him around.
Had my Kombucha at a local cafe, and now I'm back again. I think I got 12,000 steps in with a few zigs and zags. Now I'm ready for a nap!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
2+ Week Follow-up
Saw the plastic surgeon on 6/28. Tissue is looking good. Expansion is coming along. We still have some dents that need to come out - think of it as a little body work. My latest complaint in my last posting was the sensitivity of lively new skin cells and nerve reawakening. Good thing, bad thing. Bad news first - it's uncomfortable. Good news - well we can all guess that means things are healing well.
I can decrease the discomfort by (privately) massaging the breast tissue and nipple that is affected. Seems a little shameful, given my growing up, possibly yours. Just following Dr's orders! It helps to retrain the brain and nerve cells to become accustomed to touch, pressure and friction of clothing.
We will expand until the tissues are pushed out sufficiently in the right places. The nurse added 30 cc to the original 150 cc. That leaves about 70 cc to go. I can feel some additional pressure in the pectoral muscles, but not terribly bad. We'll continue to add weekly until everything rounds out. We'll leave it like that for a bit, then go back for the follow-up surgery.
Exciting, huh?
Not much walking going on yesterday. Pretty misty the whole day.
I guess when it rains it pours, sometimes. We have been having work done on decommissioning our oil tank for heating. Well - bad news - soil has been contaminated. We have to get a city permit to do testing in the parking strip out near the street, as it may be all the way down and out there. So.... I need to continue reviewing for a new furnace - we should have that functional by the time winter begins, don't you think?
Planning for a beach trip soon. I can't wait - hot tub, ocean view. 180 steps down to the beach. Hikes, walks. Seafood, farmer's market. Anything you don't like about that? Trying to think of what would be most enjoyable to take with me. At least one book. Any jewelry making stuff? Camera. Any video editing work? Mhmmm. Not sure.
Have a special day.
I can decrease the discomfort by (privately) massaging the breast tissue and nipple that is affected. Seems a little shameful, given my growing up, possibly yours. Just following Dr's orders! It helps to retrain the brain and nerve cells to become accustomed to touch, pressure and friction of clothing.
We will expand until the tissues are pushed out sufficiently in the right places. The nurse added 30 cc to the original 150 cc. That leaves about 70 cc to go. I can feel some additional pressure in the pectoral muscles, but not terribly bad. We'll continue to add weekly until everything rounds out. We'll leave it like that for a bit, then go back for the follow-up surgery.
Exciting, huh?
Not much walking going on yesterday. Pretty misty the whole day.
I guess when it rains it pours, sometimes. We have been having work done on decommissioning our oil tank for heating. Well - bad news - soil has been contaminated. We have to get a city permit to do testing in the parking strip out near the street, as it may be all the way down and out there. So.... I need to continue reviewing for a new furnace - we should have that functional by the time winter begins, don't you think?
Planning for a beach trip soon. I can't wait - hot tub, ocean view. 180 steps down to the beach. Hikes, walks. Seafood, farmer's market. Anything you don't like about that? Trying to think of what would be most enjoyable to take with me. At least one book. Any jewelry making stuff? Camera. Any video editing work? Mhmmm. Not sure.
Have a special day.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Rambling along....
Saturday I was out walking - had a great walk. Went to an art/craft festival at an urban organic farm supply place. I really like looking at their goats and chickens, and maybe I'll buy something that doesn't take as much care! Walked through areas with great craftsman and victorian houses. Went to New Seasons - had my Kombucha and real Oregon strawberries & shortcake. Yum...
As I was walking and feeling a little of my own discomfort, I was thinking about how so many people are carrying with them hidden under their clothes pain, disfigurement, fear, anxiety. And they walk around with smiles on their faces (or not) and we would just never have a clue. I guess that's no real shocker to some of you, but it causes me to pause and think - I am fortunate that most of what I carry with me under my shirt is temporary discomfort.
Sunday - first Farmer's Market in our neighborhood. I have never seen so many bicycles in one parking lot, kids and families in one little space. It was great, Aussie meat pies - had to have them. We loved them when travelling in Australia and hadn't found any in Portland, nothing closer than Burien, WA. Great strawberries - bought half a flat of Hoods - Mom always said they were the best. To make sure that none go to waste, we have been eating and eating them, shared a couple boxes with the neighbors, and, alas, we might need more next weekend. I can remember being paid $1.25 to pick a crate (12 boxes) back in the day. I paid $14 for a half a crate picked! How things change. Now I'm sounding like an old woman. We even walked to TJs in the afternoon for some groceries.
Now this, some of you might want to pass up on. Others, I think will find this reassuring, so read on. My right nipple (we don't talk about these things so much in our family) was dark and I have been reassured by others that it was bruising, yet I was concerned that it might be dying due to insufficient blood flow. Saturday morning after showering I noted that it was dry and rough, I was again concerned. But I also remembered shots of sensation just the prior day and felt a little reassured. I applied lotion and went for my walk. Sunday morning, OMG, I had a right pink nipple - it is alive. Dead tissue had sloughed.
Of course, one concern leads to another right? New skin is really sensitive, right? Indeed. I can hardly stand to have fabric lay against me, and I'm seeking some sort of solution. I can't go around topless all the time. Besides, it's too darned cold. I know, the best option available might be that old metal sieve. I'll show you what I mean - the best pressure reduction device I have tried so far. The only problems with using that seive are: it's too big and bulky; it has a handle on it; you can't go to work with that thing in your shirt; a shirt with a neckline to cover that would be hard to pull up over my hips!
You can see that there are a myriad reasons why I might choose not to use the sieve, but I'm telling you that so far, soft fabric, a cotton wipe, nor a smaller sieve are as effective. I haven't gone to the special bra store, maybe they already have something out there like I am thinking of - a round soft device with an opening over the nipple. Can't be too big, because we need to be able to stuff it in our bra or what have you. Also, shouldn't apply alot of pressure to other areas of the breast.
On the not so hot news front: today I went to work for 4 hours. Of course, as my fortune would have it, my password had expired and the help desk wasn't able to help me get in after resetting it. Plan was to work 4 hrs from home using the work laptop. My choice - go in to work to get the password reset while connected to the network, then come and work at home. Thank goodness that I knew where some of the tech guys are so that I didn't have to go to my cube and see everyone. Not ready for that yet. Well. I should be thankful I have a job to go back to and that I was able to get tech things taken care of fairly easily. I also got through the majority of 2+ weeks of email.
Another thing that has kind of been bugging me (not that I'm not grateful), is that in a sense, I feel like it isn't fair that my condition is so treatable with minimal impact. Just take the offender out or off! I think of all the others who have such hard work to continue to enjoy living and loving with their families and friends. I feel like maybe I should just not say anything more, because in the end, I can't even begin to know the rest of the impact and how hard it is to make it through another day, enduring treatment and fear. But maybe even those of you who do experience more devastating illnesses can take something away from here - some little bit of comfort like pink nipples vs. necrotic nipples. Sieves vs rubbing cloth!
Great walk today - probably my longest one yet. I carried my bus pass just in case. It was great to walk through neighborhoods of great craftsman, bungalow and old Portland 4-square style homes. I love seeing how various parts of the city must have developed over time in little neighborhood pockets. Infill always seems to add later styles and variety - not all of it lovely. A couple neighborhoods I walked through must have been fairly densely populated even early in the 1900's.
Another doctor appointment in the morning - perhaps a little more saline added to my expander. I'm hoping that something will fill in the low-lying spots! I imagine that with that will come increased feelings of muscle tension and fullness. It's all part of the process and plan. The sooner we get there, the sooner this will be over!
I wax verbose. Goodnight for now.
As I was walking and feeling a little of my own discomfort, I was thinking about how so many people are carrying with them hidden under their clothes pain, disfigurement, fear, anxiety. And they walk around with smiles on their faces (or not) and we would just never have a clue. I guess that's no real shocker to some of you, but it causes me to pause and think - I am fortunate that most of what I carry with me under my shirt is temporary discomfort.
Sunday - first Farmer's Market in our neighborhood. I have never seen so many bicycles in one parking lot, kids and families in one little space. It was great, Aussie meat pies - had to have them. We loved them when travelling in Australia and hadn't found any in Portland, nothing closer than Burien, WA. Great strawberries - bought half a flat of Hoods - Mom always said they were the best. To make sure that none go to waste, we have been eating and eating them, shared a couple boxes with the neighbors, and, alas, we might need more next weekend. I can remember being paid $1.25 to pick a crate (12 boxes) back in the day. I paid $14 for a half a crate picked! How things change. Now I'm sounding like an old woman. We even walked to TJs in the afternoon for some groceries.
Now this, some of you might want to pass up on. Others, I think will find this reassuring, so read on. My right nipple (we don't talk about these things so much in our family) was dark and I have been reassured by others that it was bruising, yet I was concerned that it might be dying due to insufficient blood flow. Saturday morning after showering I noted that it was dry and rough, I was again concerned. But I also remembered shots of sensation just the prior day and felt a little reassured. I applied lotion and went for my walk. Sunday morning, OMG, I had a right pink nipple - it is alive. Dead tissue had sloughed.
 |
| Top: Saturday morning Bottom: Sunday morning |
 |
| Sieve in Place |
On the not so hot news front: today I went to work for 4 hours. Of course, as my fortune would have it, my password had expired and the help desk wasn't able to help me get in after resetting it. Plan was to work 4 hrs from home using the work laptop. My choice - go in to work to get the password reset while connected to the network, then come and work at home. Thank goodness that I knew where some of the tech guys are so that I didn't have to go to my cube and see everyone. Not ready for that yet. Well. I should be thankful I have a job to go back to and that I was able to get tech things taken care of fairly easily. I also got through the majority of 2+ weeks of email.
Another thing that has kind of been bugging me (not that I'm not grateful), is that in a sense, I feel like it isn't fair that my condition is so treatable with minimal impact. Just take the offender out or off! I think of all the others who have such hard work to continue to enjoy living and loving with their families and friends. I feel like maybe I should just not say anything more, because in the end, I can't even begin to know the rest of the impact and how hard it is to make it through another day, enduring treatment and fear. But maybe even those of you who do experience more devastating illnesses can take something away from here - some little bit of comfort like pink nipples vs. necrotic nipples. Sieves vs rubbing cloth!
Great walk today - probably my longest one yet. I carried my bus pass just in case. It was great to walk through neighborhoods of great craftsman, bungalow and old Portland 4-square style homes. I love seeing how various parts of the city must have developed over time in little neighborhood pockets. Infill always seems to add later styles and variety - not all of it lovely. A couple neighborhoods I walked through must have been fairly densely populated even early in the 1900's.
Another doctor appointment in the morning - perhaps a little more saline added to my expander. I'm hoping that something will fill in the low-lying spots! I imagine that with that will come increased feelings of muscle tension and fullness. It's all part of the process and plan. The sooner we get there, the sooner this will be over!
I wax verbose. Goodnight for now.
Friday, June 24, 2011
What does healing feel like?
I'm now two weeks post surgery. My skin over the right breast has a burning sensation. Guess the nerves are coming back alive. Ice packs seem to help some. It seems like when I am walking I don't notice it as much.
You know - it really is a good idea to wear things that you can pull up over your hips or that open in the front. The other day I thought I'd see how wearing a sports bra and a t-shirt would work out. I did get them on - the sports bra more of a challenge. No - good doctors, I did not lift my right hand or elbow above my head. However, at the end of the day, it seemed that the wise thing to do was to ask for assistance getting undressed. The t-shirt did not come off over my hips, but I was lucky that the sports bra did. Really wouldn't have wanted to wear it until I could raise my right arm high enough to get out, nor did I want to cut it off. I'll wait a little longer to try that again. I really do prefer being independent with getting dressed and undressed.
One observation I've been making is that my stomach seems to stick further out than my chest. Go figure! Am I pushing it out to compensate for the tissue I lost on the right? Is it just that I can see it better now? Not like there was much in the way! Gotta work on that profile! Perhaps, all in good time, I can work on strengthening those stomach muscles so it isn't so out there.
Still walking - here are some pictures from one of my recent walks.Why is it that other people have to take advantage of free admission day in the middle of the week? I had fantasies of being in this really quiet place mostly alone. Anyway - I haven't seen wood ducks this close before.
I think I've had my fill of making jewelry for now, or at least I've run out of ideas considering my supplies on hand. I fixed a pendant I had made for my sister in April while in NM - wasn't happy with the device it was hanging from. Shopped multiple times for something to replace it, but, alas, I decided I could make my own. I can hardly see to make the darned stuff - itty bitty holes in beads, barely splits in jump rings. You are talking about someone who couldn't see to put the weld in the right spot. Well, I'm a little slow. After taking two quarters of welding classes I realized that I probably needed glasses for close up work. So now I put the glasses on, take them off, look thru a magnifying glass, put the glasses on and use the magnifying glass. Gets a little crazy. How do you think that will work out for the next welding class I take? I don't think the magnifying glass idea will work, maybe readers, but again, might need to consider something that stays on my face and I can see whatever I need to both near and far, at least while I have the welding hood on.
Speaking of welding. My current health care issue has caused me to reflect more on exploring and developing my creative interests. So, I see some more welding classes coming up next winter when it's too nasty to do anything outdoors. Maybe another glass-making class. I've always loved metal, stone and glass. I do have a simple idea that would incorporate metal and a stone that I picked up when we went to stone quarries a couple of summers ago for rock. And, I have another idea for metal and glass. What do you think of combining all 3 in one piece? And I'm still trying to think of some breast related artwork I can share with you - I have an idea, not sure I have the skill. This would not be metal, stone or glass.
Though we would rarely ask for down times when it comes to health related issues, this has been a good time of catching up with friends. Thanks to all of you who have been helping to keep me entertained!
You know - it really is a good idea to wear things that you can pull up over your hips or that open in the front. The other day I thought I'd see how wearing a sports bra and a t-shirt would work out. I did get them on - the sports bra more of a challenge. No - good doctors, I did not lift my right hand or elbow above my head. However, at the end of the day, it seemed that the wise thing to do was to ask for assistance getting undressed. The t-shirt did not come off over my hips, but I was lucky that the sports bra did. Really wouldn't have wanted to wear it until I could raise my right arm high enough to get out, nor did I want to cut it off. I'll wait a little longer to try that again. I really do prefer being independent with getting dressed and undressed.
One observation I've been making is that my stomach seems to stick further out than my chest. Go figure! Am I pushing it out to compensate for the tissue I lost on the right? Is it just that I can see it better now? Not like there was much in the way! Gotta work on that profile! Perhaps, all in good time, I can work on strengthening those stomach muscles so it isn't so out there.
Still walking - here are some pictures from one of my recent walks.Why is it that other people have to take advantage of free admission day in the middle of the week? I had fantasies of being in this really quiet place mostly alone. Anyway - I haven't seen wood ducks this close before.
 |
| Left to right: Carnelian Pendant; Chain with Bead Pendant; Necklace & Earrings with Beach Glass |
Though we would rarely ask for down times when it comes to health related issues, this has been a good time of catching up with friends. Thanks to all of you who have been helping to keep me entertained!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Musings
Monday, 6/20/2011
I did good. Went to my belated GYN appointment - kind of like belated birthday greetings! Nobody wanted to walk with me, so I set out on a different route than the usual, and reappeared at home 1.5 to 2 hrs. later. There was even a little hill work in there. No... I'm not walking my normal speed. Besides, if I did, I'd miss out on the opportunities to "smell the roses".
You know, I have to say one thing I have appreciated about all of the doctors that I have been in contact with of late - not one of them has chastised me for letting things get out of control. It's not about shame and blame, it's about getting things taken care of. Hopefully I will be doing a better job of taking care of myself in the future.
Tuesday, 6/21/11
Didn't sleep so well last night. Guess I'll try to get to bed early..
First follow-up to Dr. C. He (like the other physicians who have seen my post-surgical breast) thinks that it looks good. Not what I call pretty or looking good, but don't they say that all good things take time? I'll have to trust and be patient. Some of you might say "You patient?"
Sensation is increasing, which is not exactly comfortable, but a good sign.I got my last steri-strip off today. I'll probably have weekly visits for a little while longer, and it will take time to get things reconstructed like we want. I may not go out and buy any fancy bras for now, because things will keep a-changin'. Perhaps bra-stuffing is an option. Here's where those offers of tissue donation may be needed after all - Misshapen breast can be compensated for...
Another great walk - a new route. It was a lovely sunny day. I'm constantly looking for landscaping ideas as I have a couple of works in progress. I have another different route planned for tomorrow - can't wait.
I did good. Went to my belated GYN appointment - kind of like belated birthday greetings! Nobody wanted to walk with me, so I set out on a different route than the usual, and reappeared at home 1.5 to 2 hrs. later. There was even a little hill work in there. No... I'm not walking my normal speed. Besides, if I did, I'd miss out on the opportunities to "smell the roses".
You know, I have to say one thing I have appreciated about all of the doctors that I have been in contact with of late - not one of them has chastised me for letting things get out of control. It's not about shame and blame, it's about getting things taken care of. Hopefully I will be doing a better job of taking care of myself in the future.
Tuesday, 6/21/11
Didn't sleep so well last night. Guess I'll try to get to bed early..
First follow-up to Dr. C. He (like the other physicians who have seen my post-surgical breast) thinks that it looks good. Not what I call pretty or looking good, but don't they say that all good things take time? I'll have to trust and be patient. Some of you might say "You patient?"
Sensation is increasing, which is not exactly comfortable, but a good sign.I got my last steri-strip off today. I'll probably have weekly visits for a little while longer, and it will take time to get things reconstructed like we want. I may not go out and buy any fancy bras for now, because things will keep a-changin'. Perhaps bra-stuffing is an option. Here's where those offers of tissue donation may be needed after all - Misshapen breast can be compensated for...
Another great walk - a new route. It was a lovely sunny day. I'm constantly looking for landscaping ideas as I have a couple of works in progress. I have another different route planned for tomorrow - can't wait.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Sunday June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day!
Today Dad is with family in New York.
I celebrated this day with my first shower! My Portland sis came by to take me to breakfast. We walked to Toast in the Woodstock neighborhood. We stopped at the Joinery, a great wood craft furniture maker. They have about 18 full-time craftsmen, 5 finishers. Nice furniture. I found some things I could have liked to bring home with me! We stopped at the pet store to see the kittens. Went in to Pappacino's for coffee on the go, then headed down to the Reed campus and wound around on paths through it. Headed back up Steele through the Reedwood neighborhood redesigning many a home. We sat and rested on a wall for a bit and trudged up the hill. I think today we walked 3.5 miles.
Now I'm back here trying to finish up the design of this blog, while I am also cooking up a small batch of soup. Scott should be home in a few hours.
I'm so fortunate that I have the strength and conditioning to get out and walk even if I can't do much around the house!
Did I tell you that I have scheduled my belated GYN appointment for tomorrow? Making up for lost time and taking advantage of time off.
I see Dr. C on Tuesday. I am looking forward to doctor appointments - now do tell - what is with that?
I have scheduled my routine wellness exam with my primary MD to occur in a couple of weeks.
I'm saving the colonoscopy for a later insult, but I do plan to get it done this year.
How are each of you coming with your milestones?
Today Dad is with family in New York.
I celebrated this day with my first shower! My Portland sis came by to take me to breakfast. We walked to Toast in the Woodstock neighborhood. We stopped at the Joinery, a great wood craft furniture maker. They have about 18 full-time craftsmen, 5 finishers. Nice furniture. I found some things I could have liked to bring home with me! We stopped at the pet store to see the kittens. Went in to Pappacino's for coffee on the go, then headed down to the Reed campus and wound around on paths through it. Headed back up Steele through the Reedwood neighborhood redesigning many a home. We sat and rested on a wall for a bit and trudged up the hill. I think today we walked 3.5 miles.
Now I'm back here trying to finish up the design of this blog, while I am also cooking up a small batch of soup. Scott should be home in a few hours.
I'm so fortunate that I have the strength and conditioning to get out and walk even if I can't do much around the house!
Did I tell you that I have scheduled my belated GYN appointment for tomorrow? Making up for lost time and taking advantage of time off.
I see Dr. C on Tuesday. I am looking forward to doctor appointments - now do tell - what is with that?
I have scheduled my routine wellness exam with my primary MD to occur in a couple of weeks.
I'm saving the colonoscopy for a later insult, but I do plan to get it done this year.
How are each of you coming with your milestones?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Gratitude and love
I am very aware of the thoughtful people around me. Your expressions of concern and caring. Connie, Denise, Patricia, Aimee’, my family and many more. I am grateful that I am so blessed with your gifts, thoughts and prayers on behalf of my recovery.
I am grateful for the dedicated physicians who are involved in my care and reconstruction and for those with whom I have consulted. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
I am thankful that I do not have metastatic breast cancer, and that I don’t have to undergo chemotherapy or radiation. I am thankful that all that I need to have done now is reconstruction. You watch – I’ll have perky breasts again. Not oversized in your face breasts. You will still be able to look me in the face, eyeball to eyeball without being distracted by my top section.
I am grateful for the dedicated physicians who are involved in my care and reconstruction and for those with whom I have consulted. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
I am thankful that I do not have metastatic breast cancer, and that I don’t have to undergo chemotherapy or radiation. I am thankful that all that I need to have done now is reconstruction. You watch – I’ll have perky breasts again. Not oversized in your face breasts. You will still be able to look me in the face, eyeball to eyeball without being distracted by my top section.
Recovery at home
June 11 to June 17
I had planned on at least one breakfast in bed on Sunday morning. Alas, my poor man is tired, he’s a better night owl than early bird, and I don’t know when he will awaken. I am hungry, I need coffee and need to take some pills with food. Did we go to Mehri’s on 52nd for breakfast that day? I think we did if my memory serves me well.
I have some offers to bring meals in and visits. I kind of like that and I accept both. The house is bedecked with flowers. I have truffles. What more could a woman desire, well, besides being waited on hand and foot – after 10 AM? I work on my art. I get a gift from my sister Gaye in the mail with a season of videos of Brothers & Sisters, and a book and other treats. I get more cards and emails to wish me well.
Olympia
We make some calls to family and friends to let them know that I am well and on the mend. I email others who may or may not know about what is going on.
My friend Joanne brought her Hungarian stew in and stayed to chat, I think Monday evening after work. She is a dear. Thanks Jo.
Wednesday
Thank God I finally had my evacuation! I thought I was giving birth to a baby. A little late for that at 52, don’t you think? Gosh, I thought I was going to have to resort to laxatives. But let me tell you good people, lots of fluids, stool softeners, and fiber are all very important when you take narcotics. You will be much happier campers with much less painful results! Went shopping, had lunch out, napped. Worked on my breast themed art projects.Thursday
To Dr. I on Thursday for my follow-up. Things look good. I get my drain out and now just have a dressing over that drain site with a steri-strip over the incision. I do have to say, that is not a very attractive breast. He thinks it looks fine considering. Guess he’s seen a whole lot more of this than I have! It looks to me like my newly constructed breast could be a little higher than the left. It looks saggy now, where before it seemed kinda perky! Mhmm. I might reconsider having things made to match. At first I thought no – let’s only cut on what needs to be cut on. Now I’m not so sure. Could you keep your eyes on my face if you saw one breast hiked higher than the other? I doubt it!Went for my walk – probably about 2.5 miles. Linda came over after my follow-up appt. to Dr. I. We check out the yard with its blooms and full beds, water feature, projects in progress (and will be for some time) and decide to go down and look at Smith Rock’s at Johnson Creek to see if we can find some rocks for Linda. We did go there and saw lots of rocks we liked, but we are thinking on it. Wish I could help you build your arbor now Linda, and help you with that new water feature! I can watch and supervise though. Thanks for that dinner Linda. I think I will have made it last for 3 meals at least.
I find a basket of goodies on the porch from Kelly. How did she find me? She is such a kind, thoughtful person. Thanks Kelly.
Friday
Mr. Scott leaves for Recovery & Post-op
June 10, 2011
I think I got out of surgery about 7:30 – probably lasted about 2.5 hrs. – not quite sure though. I did wake up to a relatively quiet recovery room. The two nurses left were chatting about iced espresso in Italy
Clear liquid diet for now. No catheter. IV until it is finished. IV antibiotics for 3 doses, every 6 or 8 hours. IV or oral pain meds. Vital signs every hour for 4 hours, then every 4 hours. 12 hour shift for this nurse – shift is just beginning. This hospital is very focused on pain management – one of the initiatives. Sometimes I wonder if it doesn’t take precedence over old fashioned nursing or maybe standard nursing care. The nurse is pleasant and seems competent. The quiet music go inside music continues on the television channel of choice until near midnight I think. We actually got to sleep around 12:30.
What’s different in nursing?
Alcohol gel for handwashing, no soap and water. I guess I’m glad that’s the case. The hand sink with the soap was in a corner with the paper towel dispenser on the wall. Just below the towel dispenser is the towel rack for patient hand towels and wash cloths. What if that nurse had washed his hands at the sink, used a paper towel and his wet hand dripped on the towel and wash cloth I’d be using? Not such a good plan.I had a drain attached to a suction device by a very long tube. Oops – I see that tube touching the floor. Ick…
I have an incentive spirometer given to me in recovery. Neither of the nurses on the unit asked me if I’d been doing my breathing exercises or asked me to do them for them. No mention of coughing and deep breathing. Surely those would be key activities in preventing post-op complications. Way back when, when I was a nurse, every time I visited my patients, and they were awake, I’d have them show me what they could do with their breathing exercises. No one assessed my breath sounds by listening to my chest with a stethoscope until just before I left. Mhmmm.
No mention about moving in bed. Guess that’s why we have to have compression devices on our legs.
Night shift nurse to patient ratio on this urology floor – 1:5. I used to have 8-12 patients, depending on the unit. Guess that’s why there is such a nursing shortage. No nursing assistants or LPNs that I could tell.
I didn’t say much about being a nurse – just acted like an educated patient for the most part. Though I did tell the night nurse when I was asking him some specific questions. I used to work on a urology unit when I was in Virginia
My progress
IV Dilaudid for pain. Didn’t think I’d do so well with pills in my stomach and no food. I stayed well medicated until about 2 AM. I woke up nearly every time the nurse came in even though he was very quiet. I am just not a sound sleeper. Soon after his 2 AM visit I felt sweaty, nauseous, and like I was either going to vomit or faint. Was it hypoglycemia from all that sugar in the liquids I’d been drinking? Was it a reaction to the anesthesia? Not sure. Called the nurse back in. Interesting – he had just done my vital signs, but other than asking a question or two then going in search for my requested protein, no further assessment that I recall. I now progressed to a full liquid diet with an Ensure. I was grateful for that. Within 30 minutes or so, I was drifting in and out of sleep, I was feeling better. I woke up again around 4 without much success in falling back asleep except maybe a nap near 6 AM. Good news – I get a regular diet for breakfast. A hospitality person brings around an extensive menu with multiple choices on it. Nice amenity. Wonder how much that costs. I ordered a breakfast sandwich, fruit, a bran muffin (pain medicine is constipating you know), not sure if anything else. Scott, dear man, went down the street to get me a Starbucks latte. It had been over 24 hours by this time since my last caffeine!
By this time I had been out of bed to the bathroom with the nurse’s help once, with Scott’s help at least once, and on my own at least once. It meant taking the compression devices off of my legs, managing the tubings, washing hands, getting back in bed, rewrapping my legs, and Scott turning the machine back on. Bad bed head going on!
Shift Change
This nurse is a bit more – terse? How’s my pain? Well, not bad right now but I’m planning ahead for getting dressed. And I need to make sure I can tolerate the pills or that what is ordered will work for me. Well, on the scale of 1 to 10 what is it? (You can’t have any if it’s not a 3.) A two – it’s not a sharp pain, but pressure. Ok. Nurse leaves and goes about her business. By the time I have eaten breakfast, and she returns about 9, I am miraculously at a 3. I get a pill. When will Dr. I be in? Oh, he’s not usually early. Sometimes around 1. Ok. Dr. I pops in about 10, checks to see if I’m having much drainage, how I’m doing, shows me an arm exercise/movement I can do. Tells me the surgery went well. They weren’t able to do single stage reconstruction. Brings me my beloved picture of Cystosarcoma Phyllodes. That’s one ugly sucker. I tell him I have a plan for a piece of art using that photo. He chuckles. He said the nurse would change my dressing, give me a camisole to wear, give me my discharge instructions, and I can go home when I am ready. Yippee. I get up and put pajamas on so I can go for a walk in the hall to test my ambulatory abilities. Nurse is waiting for final orders. I have to sign some paper. The Walk – it was a short one because you can’t go far. Back to my room and wait for the nurse. She needs to change my dressing yet. Nurse comes in and yes, she listens to my lungs and checks my bowel sounds because she needs to do that yet. Changes my dressing and gives us a few instructions. Honey, I am gonna get dressed!
Discharge
I get dressed and we wait for our final papers. Seems like we walked out to the nursing station to see if we needed anything before leaving. We finish up. It used to be you had to be wheeled out in a wheelchair – no more. I’m up, I’m walking, I guess I can walk to the car. We gather our stuff and skidaddle. Home by 11:30!
Surgery Day – Cystosarcoma Phyllodes OUT
June 10, 2011
Nothing by mouth after 9 a.m. Do you know what it’s like to be awake and hungry? Guess I’ll find out. I get up early so that I can have a protein fruit smoothie and hydrate myself. The nurse said you tolerate anesthesia better if you are well hydrated. And she said that if you do well on boats and car riding you’re not as likely to get sick from anesthesia. I did just fine, thank you, when we went deep sea fishing last summer. There were at least 4 others puking into red buckets, and I think secretly others would have liked to join them, each with their own little red pail. However, I do not do so well reading in a moving automobile. I do not like puking, so I need to do what I can to avoid that nasty, smelly occurrence. I play some CDs that I find help me go inside where it is quiet - Enya, Yanni, James Galway flute music and others. I focus on the music, retreating to where it is calm within, scrub the kitchen floor, clean the bathroom, put some of the clutter out of view. 9 a.m: Nothing by mouth.
Somewhere around 11 I say, “Mr. Scott, I’m ready for my favorite stress relieving activity.” Quizzical, suspicious eyes look at me. “Walk, I need a walk.” Dutiful man, he puts his shoes on and we go out. About half way through the walk I get a call from the surgeon’s office. “Melody, can you be here by 1pm? Dr. I thinks he might be able to get started early.” “Sure.” I hang up and wonder if they have coordinated with Dr. C – must have, but I won’t know if I don’t ask. Ring, ring – “Has Dr. I coordinated with Dr. C?” “He is going to talk with him and make sure that he can be ready.” Good. I’ve done what I can do.
Back at the house, I take my shower, get dressed. I wear that turtleneck because it looks good on me and I won’t be able to wear one for awhile. You have to be able to step into tops or to button them up. I try to stay away from button up tops in honor of my sister. I won’t be able to get the recently washed clothes put away before I leave. Oh well.
I’ve never had surgery or a baby before, so perhaps you can empathize with my trepidation a bit. I don’t care to visit hospitals, let alone get cut on and spend the night there. They are the best places in the modern world to get infections that you don’t go in with. You must be thinking "chicken", but I’m a nurse - I know about some of that stuff.
We drive in to the hospital, sometimes silent, just a little chatter. Not much. What is there to say that we haven’t already said? Park the car, find the purple elevators and go up to the admtting area. More questions, fill out papers, remove jewelry, and go to my pre-op room. More papers. No, no meds, no health care conditions. I take my vitamins & supplements when I remember. Yes I have my Advance Directives – please make a copy for my chart. Incentive Spirometry - yes I have taught people how to use it in the past, but lets take a look at modern technology. (Takes a little bit of coordination these days - not just sucking in the air and letting it out.) You will have compression leg wraps on your legs to prevent clotting. Move your legs and feet anyway. You will be taken to recovery after surgery, and when stable you will be moved to one of the units, not sure where. Scott can leave if he likes and return when we call him after the surgery is finished.
Advance Directives? Do you have yours completed? It doesn’t matter if you are well, anything can happen at any time. If you’d like to have a say in the measures that are taken to continue your life at any cost at any quality, I encourage you to complete a copy. Here’s a link – each state has their own form. http://www.medicalert.org/join/advance-directives.htm?selected=MedicAlert+Membership_Advance+Directive&gclid=CJX10ZjdwKkCFQY-bAod6lGSNg
I have a television with cable in my little room. Couldn’t find much, but what we did find was a channel with nature photographs and soothing music. I couldn’t have asked for a better option. More quiet time inside.
Blood gets drawn, IV gets started. The nurse from the breast clinic comes in. She has seen my chart and though I do not have cancer she thought that she would come and visit me anyway and gives me a breast pillow. She tells me a little about their service and that I can come in anytime.
I have the nurse put my note on the chart for Dr. C to get a candid shot with his cell phone camera of Phyllodes. She says she’ll also tell the OR nurse just to be sure.
Dr. C comes in. I didn’t think I’d see him until my first follow-up visit as I’d be sleeping, of course, while he works. Ahh, he wants to make sure, after talking again to Dr. I, that the incision is in just the right place. If we do it like Dr. I is thinking, my nipple might be pointing in the wrong direction from the wrong location. So he sketches his idea on my breast to make sure that he gets his say in. He will talk with Dr. I. I am grateful for the thought that he is putting into the design phase of my reconstructed breast. Still hoping for single stage reconstruction, and at the worst, nipple/tissue sparing anyway, with multiple stages of reconstruction involved.
I’m waiting, it’s now 3. Looks like the afternoon surgery case is taking longer than anticipated. No anesthesiologist.
I haven’t seen or talked to the anesthesiologist yet. He will call 30 min. before he comes over to see me – and get me, I think. No call. I’d better get up and go to the bathroom. I do so, carrying my IV bag in my hospital slippers (I didn't put it in my hospital slippers, I was wearing the slippers on my feet, carrying the bag in one hand.). Eek, I’ve stepped in water (?) on the bathroom floor and there is quite a stream, maybe a river, of it – oops, looks like the toilet is going to run over - again. Go find the nurse, need new slippers, and I need another restroom. Didn’t get to finish my business.
I’m waiting, it’s now 3. Looks like the afternoon surgery case is taking longer than anticipated. No anesthesiologist.
If I remember correctly Dr. C II, anesthesiologist came in about 4:30, asks a few questions, pushes the Verced or some other sedative and rolls my gurney down the hall. I had hoped for a glimpse of the OR, but alas, I’m sound asleep before we even get there. General Anesthesia coming up. Cutting, cauterizing, scooping out that alien growth that doesn’t belong, and the initial stages of redesign begins. Here's where they put the expander in behind my pectoral muscle.
Preparations Continue
June 7, 2011 Hair Salon
Went to get my haircut after work. Just about done and my cell rings – it’s Dr. I. He wants to talk a little more before surgery on Friday. I’ll call him back when I get home so I can talk and so I can plug my phone in. It’s almost dead. I page Dr. I and we talk – about surgical options, check in time, concerns. I’m still impressed with both of these surgeons, and their attention to detail.
I’m still concerned about getting my work to a point where someone can at least sort of fill in for me, and where I can let the chips fall where they may.
Went to get my haircut after work. Just about done and my cell rings – it’s Dr. I. He wants to talk a little more before surgery on Friday. I’ll call him back when I get home so I can talk and so I can plug my phone in. It’s almost dead. I page Dr. I and we talk – about surgical options, check in time, concerns. I’m still impressed with both of these surgeons, and their attention to detail.
I’m still concerned about getting my work to a point where someone can at least sort of fill in for me, and where I can let the chips fall where they may.
June 8, 2011 Arrange for time off
If you’ve never done it, you will at least want some general awareness of your benefits for paid time off, the Family Medical Leave Act http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/benefits-leave/fmla.htm, and any possible short-term disability benefits, and how you manage those. Get your paper work done. File for FMLA – it helps to hold your job/a position. And you’ll get several pieces of paper that your surgeon needs to fill out.
I recommend you call your health plan, determine if they require pre-authorization, know what your costs will be. Know your benefits. Understand what you need to know for your recovery and what kind of care you should expect to receive.
I recommend you call your health plan, determine if they require pre-authorization, know what your costs will be. Know your benefits. Understand what you need to know for your recovery and what kind of care you should expect to receive.
If you don’t have health insurance, you may choose to negotiate with your providers either pre or post surgery. Check with their financial aid offices.
I communicate with another Medical Director at work – Pediatric Oncologist and ask him what he knows about this Cystosarcoma Phyllodes. Questions: Where is it? How did you find it? Who will you be seeing? He assures me that I am in good hands, though he does not know my surgeons personally. He wishes me well, checks on my support system, and lets me know I can contact him while off if I have any questions. Dr. M emails me with a journal article that both reassures me and gives me a small bit of concern. We need to make sure that they take enough tissue + the tumor. If not, we could see a higher probability of recurrence. There is no other treatment besides surgical intervention for this benign tumor. I’m good with that. Let’s cut it out!
June 9, 2011 I’m ready now
I communicate with another Medical Director at work – Pediatric Oncologist and ask him what he knows about this Cystosarcoma Phyllodes. Questions: Where is it? How did you find it? Who will you be seeing? He assures me that I am in good hands, though he does not know my surgeons personally. He wishes me well, checks on my support system, and lets me know I can contact him while off if I have any questions. Dr. M emails me with a journal article that both reassures me and gives me a small bit of concern. We need to make sure that they take enough tissue + the tumor. If not, we could see a higher probability of recurrence. There is no other treatment besides surgical intervention for this benign tumor. I’m good with that. Let’s cut it out!
June 9, 2011 I’m ready now
I’m kind of excited today to go have my surgery. Is that kind of sick? I am reassured that I don’t need a pre-authorization due to the Women’s Health & Cancer Rights Act plus the diagnosis and procedures being performed. Whew! I am relieved. Of course that does not guarantee payment. I have a friend check for me to see if there are any edits that come up with that diagnosis and procedure code. None. By now I’ve spoken with the Pre-op nurse at the hospital who answers some questions and asks some of her own. I ask her about whether they have all private rooms, would Scott be able to spend the night? I want to have my own private duty caretaker at my side. Most of the rooms are private, and if need be, we just ask for a cot when we know which “suite” we will be spending the night in. I guess I am in as good of shape as I can be. I wrap up my work day around 5 and go home.
Soaking, Reflecting, Good News & Visits
June 18, 2011
I have to remove the dressing from the drain site – we’ll see how that goes. The office nurse applied that quite securely. Ouch, that hurts. Guess it looks good there. Could be a trick to replace it.
I go to the local Woodstock Wine & Deli in search of Barbeque. No barbeque today due to the rain, however, there are pulled pork sandwiches inside. I order and go sit with Tak, the 85 year old owner of the place and sit to chat about Mr. Wiener, local politics, and whatever else comes up. I saw the back side of the head of the fellow serving wine tastings – looks like Jerry. Jerry had a wine shop and tasting room up onRussell St. N Portland and was a friend of friends. We had my 50th birthday party there. With white hair and beard, he is quite distinctive looking. I ask Tak who his wine guy is and he says “His name is Jerry”. I tell him I know who he is. After awhile Tak calls Jerry over and we talk Polly, Steve, Olivia, La Carafe, Pasqual and restaurants. Small world. He’s doing wine tastings for now at the Deli. Polly, Olivia, Steve, Scott, Bill – let’s go to a wine tasting at Tak’s soon.
As I walk home from the Deli I kinda feel like my right chest is near exploding. It’s tight and uncomfortable. Makes me wonder if everything is in the right place. I have to trust that it is for now. Guess this is my pain signal. I don't think I mention earlier or later that an expander was placed under my pectoral muscle to stretch the tissue that will be used for reconstructing my breast. Pretty much my entire breast is numb and though I've had basically no incisional pain, I can feel the pressure of the expander.
Time to catch you up on the rest of the riveting chronology of events. Stay tuned!
Well, the weather isn’t so nice today – not sure I’ll even go out for a walk. I forgot to ask Dr. I if I am able to shower yet, so I’ll treat myself to a candle light soak, reading (by flashlight), chocolate covered caramels (do you guys really think I eat candy?) and coffee.
First, I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I am bothered by hair in the sink and food prep area, but that’s the easiest way, zonder shower, and I can clean it up. Thank goodness for short hair. As I clean the sink, I reflect on the half moon shape that one hair forms, looks like a rounded breast without a nipple. Do you think I need something else to think about? Anyway, I wiped the sink out, moved on to running the bath and pouring potions into the water, getting set up for my soak. Why is it that there isn’t enough counter space in the bathroom for all this extra stuff?
First, I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I am bothered by hair in the sink and food prep area, but that’s the easiest way, zonder shower, and I can clean it up. Thank goodness for short hair. As I clean the sink, I reflect on the half moon shape that one hair forms, looks like a rounded breast without a nipple. Do you think I need something else to think about? Anyway, I wiped the sink out, moved on to running the bath and pouring potions into the water, getting set up for my soak. Why is it that there isn’t enough counter space in the bathroom for all this extra stuff?
I’m nearly done soaking when the phone rings. I finish up and go check the answering machine. It’s Dr. I calling about my final pathology report. A little twinge of anxiety passes through me, then I call him. He had called the pathologist to talk about the findings. Definitely benign. Play that B9 on your bingo! 0 mitotic activity – no cellular division going on; no necrosis of tumor tissue – still getting good blood supply; measurements of excised tissue surrounding the tumor varied due to location and size; final measurement 8 cm x 6.5 x ?. It had grown 1.5 cm since the first measurement in just 4 weeks.
Dr. I wonders how the breast tissue is looking today. Nipple is kind of dark, to the right outside of the areola is darkish pink. I think maybe it looks better than yesterday, not sure in comparison to what he saw on Thurs. He thinks it sounds normal considering the tissue injury and wonders when I have my follow-up appointments with Dr. C and with himself. I thank him for calling, and I thank God for this physician.
I had tried to shave my armpits and find that I didn’t do such a great job when I check with the 10x magnifying mirror! I reapply a dressing to the drain site – it will come off easier than the last one! Dr. I says I can shower now. Looking forward to it!
I finish getting ready for Aunt Judy’s visit. It was good to see her – we chat and enjoy each other’s company. When she leaves, it’s time to get some lunch.
Dr. I wonders how the breast tissue is looking today. Nipple is kind of dark, to the right outside of the areola is darkish pink. I think maybe it looks better than yesterday, not sure in comparison to what he saw on Thurs. He thinks it sounds normal considering the tissue injury and wonders when I have my follow-up appointments with Dr. C and with himself. I thank him for calling, and I thank God for this physician.
I had tried to shave my armpits and find that I didn’t do such a great job when I check with the 10x magnifying mirror! I reapply a dressing to the drain site – it will come off easier than the last one! Dr. I says I can shower now. Looking forward to it!
I finish getting ready for Aunt Judy’s visit. It was good to see her – we chat and enjoy each other’s company. When she leaves, it’s time to get some lunch.
I go to the local Woodstock Wine & Deli in search of Barbeque. No barbeque today due to the rain, however, there are pulled pork sandwiches inside. I order and go sit with Tak, the 85 year old owner of the place and sit to chat about Mr. Wiener, local politics, and whatever else comes up. I saw the back side of the head of the fellow serving wine tastings – looks like Jerry. Jerry had a wine shop and tasting room up on
Time to catch you up on the rest of the riveting chronology of events. Stay tuned!
Tears
Yesterday I had 3 cards from some of the very special women in my life - Connie, Gaye, and Dawn. That is what brought me to tears after these 5 + weeks of fear and uncertainty. The support and love that they have gifted to me.
There are many more of you out there who have been and are here for me/us. I love you.
There are many more of you out there who have been and are here for me/us. I love you.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Today June 17, 2011
Well, I worked on this blog most of the morning. Let me interrupt my dialogue with what I accomplished today. As Dr. C said, "You can walk." so I am definitely doing that when I can. I find that if I go alone I can go where I want, as long as I want, as far as I want. It is a beautiful day. Outside is where I want to be. I walked 3 miles according to Yahoo maps. I realized that fresh local strawberries should be in at a local produce stand, so mosied on down. Brought 2 pints home with me. mmmmm. Took my camera along - never should go out without it because you never know what you will see. Not much that was inspirational today.
But I do have an idea for one of my walks next week. We are having a step competition at work and I had signed up for a team before I knew that I would not be doing my normal walking routine. Must make up for it, you know. My team is depending on me!
But I do have an idea for one of my walks next week. We are having a step competition at work and I had signed up for a team before I knew that I would not be doing my normal walking routine. Must make up for it, you know. My team is depending on me!
Ordering parts
June 6, 2011 Mom’s Birthday
Now, I’m still thinking about art. I tell Dr. C I have a request that may seem a little strange, I’d like a picture of that tumor – for art. He laughs, says he can get as good of a picture as I’d want of that tumor with his cell phone. Leave a note on the chart. And, oh, he’s an artist. Painting, fly tying, and encaustic art. That reassures me – at least the fly tying does. It sounds like precision work to me. And I’ve recently learned about encaustic art from my April trip to NM. http://www.eainm.com/eai_encaustic.html Here’s a blog of an artist http://weepingwax.blogspot.com/ with photos. I feel reassured that I am in good hands, even more so than after our initial visit. There is one caveat to that – if you do my kind of art, symmetry is a difficult concept (probably because I have a hard time achieving it), and sometimes I like to leave loose ends (because I don't know what to do with them). I’d hate to see my kind of art expressed in reconstructive work. A nipple pointing in the wrong direction from the wrong location of the breast. Just got a new inspiration!
Surgery is scheduled for June 10 4:30 pm. Sounds like I’ll be awake and hungry during the day time! Guess that's ok, because the whole point here is just to get this critter out of me.
I’m training on the telephone & web, waiting for a break, watching for calls to come in on my cell or office phone. I see that Dr. C’s office is calling and take a break to take the call. It’s Dr. C – I move to an office where I can talk in private. We talk again about the concerns with both implant options. We talk about Dr. I’s surgical approach. But honestly, we don’t know what we will be able to do until we get in to surgery. Dr. C follows Dr. I and works with whatever Dr. I has already done. Thank goodness, they have worked with each other often in the past. We agree that since we don’t really know what is possible until right during surgery that whatever Dr. C needs to do for the best outcome in relationship to both the disease and the reconstruction I need to trust him to do. I had come to that conclusion on my own over the weekend. He says that even if Dr. I leaves the nipple, if he isn’t comfortable with the blood flow to the area, he will not save it. I’m ok with that. He will have something of everything available that we might need in the OR. If we are lucky, we can do this reconstruction in one stage!
Now, I’m still thinking about art. I tell Dr. C I have a request that may seem a little strange, I’d like a picture of that tumor – for art. He laughs, says he can get as good of a picture as I’d want of that tumor with his cell phone. Leave a note on the chart. And, oh, he’s an artist. Painting, fly tying, and encaustic art. That reassures me – at least the fly tying does. It sounds like precision work to me. And I’ve recently learned about encaustic art from my April trip to NM. http://www.eainm.com/eai_encaustic.html Here’s a blog of an artist http://weepingwax.blogspot.com/ with photos. I feel reassured that I am in good hands, even more so than after our initial visit. There is one caveat to that – if you do my kind of art, symmetry is a difficult concept (probably because I have a hard time achieving it), and sometimes I like to leave loose ends (because I don't know what to do with them). I’d hate to see my kind of art expressed in reconstructive work. A nipple pointing in the wrong direction from the wrong location of the breast. Just got a new inspiration!
Getting prepared
June 4, 2011
Breakfast with Dad. Some shopping stops on the way home. I’ve been reading about post-op care. I need some clothes I can step into or button up the front. Mhmmm. That eliminates a number of my tops for awhile anyway. Can’t reach above my head post-op. I found some flowery summery tops on sale that might kind of hide a vacant right side until I get things in order. A step-in camisole. I surf the web looking for mastectomy bras and stuff. I don’t know what I need yet.
Finally get home. I find a voicemail on my cell and a message on my home phone from Dr. C. Needs to know which implant option I want so they can get the parts ordered. Please call the office on Monday. I’m impressed. He’s working on a Saturday. For those of you who are physicians or in a physician’s family, you say, “But of course.”
Over the days between diagnosis and surgery, I consult with my friends who have had breast cancer and surgery, either with treatment or without treatment, or with reconstruction or without reconstruction. These women are a blessing to me.
Over the days between diagnosis and surgery, I consult with my friends who have had breast cancer and surgery, either with treatment or without treatment, or with reconstruction or without reconstruction. These women are a blessing to me.
Visit with reconstructive surgeon
May 31, 2011 Another visit over lunch time. When do they eat?
Yet again, I’m impressed with the attention to support systems, the clinical expertise, concern with medical ethics in treatment, and options offered. Dr. C didn’t come out and say “Gee, you could also have your breasts enhanced while we are at it.” He is a plastic surgeon, after all. I’m reassured that I have breasts that are proportionate to my body size, and my desire to have the least amount of cutting and interference is taken into consideration while we consider reconstructive options. I want to be able to maintain upper body strength for riding motorcycle, carrying a backpack. I want to maintain my leg strength for walking, bicycling and hiking. That will mean an implant instead of using my own tissue, which involves more invasive surgery anyway. I don’t need to save any of my own blood. These surgeries are relatively low blood loss – it’s on the outside of the body cavity, not inside. I am relieved.
He says that Dr. I would like to try a nipple/tissue sparing surgery which he says almost knocked him over. Not something Dr. I recommends often. If the nipple needs to be removed Dr. C can make one out of anything anywhere. I get a sketch to demonstrate how that is done. I am comforted. This may be the only permanent tattoo I’d consider – a tit tat. Please do not take offense. Humor is therapeutic for me.
Let’s see – my appt. was, I think 11:45. I got home about 1:30. There were no extra stops on the way home, and it only took about 20 min. to get home. You do the math – probably at least 1 hour with the physician.
What kind of implant? That’s my biggest dilemma until I also resolve my work dilemma – new hires, me the only trainer, and projects to be done. I can focus on work to take my mind off of the rest for now.
I, of course, am concerned about health insurance coverage. I ask Dr. C’s office to check in on pre-authorization requirements. What you all need to know if you have the need for reconstructive surgery related to a breast neoplasm is the related law “Women's Health & Cancer Rights Act of 1998”
I’m not sleeping very well these days. I continue to think of art that expresses my feelings and provides some therapeutic relief. Friends are there for me. My family is there for me – as much as I let them in. Humor even if twisted or juvenile is therapeutic. Still waiting for more details.
Gotta get outta Dodge
So with all this activity in a short period of time, we are feeling like we need to get away. Dad has gone to MT and needs a pickup at the airport on Fri. evening of Memorial Day weekend. I have Friday off and we’d like to get started early. What to do? I haven’t told my family anything yet because I really want to know what I’m dealing with before I have to say anything at all. Have lots of support from work friends, from friends who have gone through real breast cancer surgery, treatment and reconstruction.
I contact local sister and brother to see if they can help out as I’ve just gone through a health care scare. Did that start the phone lines humming? You bet. And then local sis calls NM sis to see what’s going on. She doesn’t know and is now worried.
I start getting calls from Dad, sis in NM and they are wondering what is going on. Perhaps I didn’t take the right approach. I really didn’t want them to worry, I just needed a little help before I was ready to lay it all out. Oh well. Local sis agrees to pick Dad up at the airport and we leave the city.
It was great to reconnect with friends we have not been with for quite awhile. We get back in time, of course, to see the reconstructive surgeon on Tues. May 31.
Now I see the Surgeon
I get the referral to a General Surgeon, and I wonder what I can find out about him. I do a web search and find that he sees 55 patients a day. Dr. P, what were you thinking? And he does surgery. How does that translate to quality care? How did you select him? Well, not to delay. I’ll see him and see what kind of vibe I get.
May 24, 2011 General Surgeon visit.
Wow, I haven’t been on this end of a Dr./Patient relationship for a real concerning condition (to me) since I’ve been a real adult. My visits with my parents for Mom’s appointments didn’t leave me with the same impression. Dr. I showed concern for me and my support system (as I call them my support staff), his clinical impressions, etc. He drew a sketch for me of the proposed incision and talked while his lunch waited for him. Thank goodness it wasn’t a hot lunch that day! My appt. was at 11:15 and I think I left the office at 12:30. That included a short wait, him taking a call from another physician, my getting out of and into clothing, and consultation time. I’m guessing a full hour with the physician, or close. 55 patients a day – I think not! I tested him – would he laugh at my corny jokes? He did, gotta hand it to him. His office will schedule a consult with a reconstructive surgeon. This tumor has a name – cystosarcoma phyllodes – at least for now. We’ll see what final pathology brings. Represents about 1% of all breast tumors. Is not genetically linked. Is not treated with anything besides surgical removal if benign. Here’s a little info. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/188728-overview
The measurements – hold on cuz your gonna say, “Melody, really, how could you not have found that earlier?” and I’ll tell you that I already told you how that happened. Go back and read. 6.5 cm x 3.4 cm x 6.2 cm. That’s almost my entire breast. Let’s say I did my last self-breast exam 6 months ago…would I not have found something then? It’s a fast-growing tumor, not to be confused with rapid mitotic cellular activity.
Treatment – mastectomy & reconstruction. No radiation and no chemotherapy, no lymph node resection because it doesn’t metastasize that way even if metastatic. Yes! You see how really fortunate I am.
I continue to visualize works of art that are alien and breast related. Hang on – I’ll show you some pictures in a bit.
Wow, I haven’t been on this end of a Dr./Patient relationship for a real concerning condition (to me) since I’ve been a real adult. My visits with my parents for Mom’s appointments didn’t leave me with the same impression. Dr. I showed concern for me and my support system (as I call them my support staff), his clinical impressions, etc. He drew a sketch for me of the proposed incision and talked while his lunch waited for him. Thank goodness it wasn’t a hot lunch that day! My appt. was at 11:15 and I think I left the office at 12:30. That included a short wait, him taking a call from another physician, my getting out of and into clothing, and consultation time. I’m guessing a full hour with the physician, or close. 55 patients a day – I think not! I tested him – would he laugh at my corny jokes? He did, gotta hand it to him. His office will schedule a consult with a reconstructive surgeon. This tumor has a name – cystosarcoma phyllodes – at least for now. We’ll see what final pathology brings. Represents about 1% of all breast tumors. Is not genetically linked. Is not treated with anything besides surgical removal if benign. Here’s a little info. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/188728-overview
The measurements – hold on cuz your gonna say, “Melody, really, how could you not have found that earlier?” and I’ll tell you that I already told you how that happened. Go back and read. 6.5 cm x 3.4 cm x 6.2 cm. That’s almost my entire breast. Let’s say I did my last self-breast exam 6 months ago…would I not have found something then? It’s a fast-growing tumor, not to be confused with rapid mitotic cellular activity.
Chronology - boring yet true
May 13, 2011 This will be billed diagnostic – not preventive. Guess that will cost me some extra money.
I go through the boob-squish. The normal fibroid issues in the left were either non-existent or didn’t rate this time. Of course, the ultra-sound followed the mammogram, and the Radiologist read it while I was there. Even the soothing spa-like room didn’t erase the concern that we felt. A biopsy is required and is scheduled for May 18 before I leave the room. They will call my physician.
Not just a little anxiety fills me in the interim between the mammogram and biopsy.
May 18, 2011 A punch biopsy is performed.
Honestly, I told the radiologist that it was easier and less pleasant than getting my teeth cleaned. Sorry Dr. B. 2 days until the pathology comes back. At some point in these series of events I talk with my physician who hasn’t seen me since my last issue – yes, that was a shoulder thing. I love Dr. P – he is so supportive, concerned and there. He’ll check for pathology results over the weekend if he doesn’t get the path back by the end of Friday. I confer with one of the female Medical Directors at work. She is informative and supportive.
More anxiety and fear. I don’t want to have to go through all of that nasty chemotherapy and radiation – yet there is so much more to live and do in this life. I guess I’ll do it if that’s what I have to do. Thank goodness I have health insurance.
May 20, 2011 Pathology results are back!
Radiologist leaves a message. Medical assistant leaves a message – no make that at least two messages. It’s B9 – any of you play Bingo? What a relief. I call the Medical Assistant at Dr. P’s office to confirm the news. She does add, “We are making a referral for you to a surgeon as you will need to have the tumor removed.” I’m there – let’s get this nasty thing out of me.
Truly, I feel as though it’s an alien who has invaded my body. Do you think I’ve been watching too many movies on Netflix? Could be. But it seems for me to be a great way to visualize that thing inside of me – that thing that doesn’t belong.
Truly, I feel as though it’s an alien who has invaded my body. Do you think I’ve been watching too many movies on Netflix? Could be. But it seems for me to be a great way to visualize that thing inside of me – that thing that doesn’t belong.
When I went in for my biopsy I also picked up digital records of prior mammograms and ultrasounds so I could be ready for whatever comes next. A friend and I viewed the villain on my laptop, but honestly, it was somewhat disappointing. Guess you have to know how to read images like that to really appreciate them. However, we begin planning for a “Coming out party” or a “Burn party” and we talk about art.
How I found the Alien
Picture yourself, sitting at your desk on May 11, 2011, as you are on the phone talking with someone in another location (I was training via Teleconference and web), and you just happened to reach around the front of your chest and you for some reason scratch your right breast. Keep in mind, nobody can see what you are doing behind your cube walls. During that informal, basic bodily itch moment, you find something foreign in your breast. OMG, what the heck is that? Your internal organs quiver and a shot of fear goes through you while you continue your verbal exchange on the telephone. You can hardly wait until this call is over!
Yes, that’s right. It was huge. How could it get that big even under my too casual supervision? I have to get a mammogram soon. Maybe it’s just a result of all that fluid and hormone levels related to my menstrual cycle. Maybe I should wait. After consultation with a couple of co-workers, I was convinced to go get that boob-squishing intervention on May 13 – so glad I had that day off. I really don’t have time for this stuff.
Love your family & friends, care for your breasts
Well, most of us will follow our health care provider recommendations and will conduct our monthly self-breast exam and get that annual or biannual mammogram, while others of us will come up with possibly any of the following reasons for not going:
For those of you who have health insurance, your mammogram may now be covered without co-pay, deductible or co-insurance due to the preventive health coverage requirements in the Federal Health Care Reform bill. Waiting until you find a lump, a bump, an alien in your breast will be diagnostic and will mean that costs you more money.
For me, for your other friends, and your family, please get checked out very soon. My goal is to see a spike in the mammogram utilization rates as a result of what you see and read here. No, I do not have any known stock ownership in that technology or any health care provider who would benefit from higher utilization!
Check the poll out to the right of this page.
- I hate getting my boobs squeezed - a man must have invented that darned machine
- It's so inconvenient
- I can't afford it right now
- What if they find something
- I don't have time
- You name it
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